| Where did i go wrong? |
[06.10.06 | 06:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Myself |
] |
what happened to all the things
that i believed in
where did i go from standing up
for what i felt was right
to standing up for the things
i didnt even know were things
id stand up for
joey showed me the way
joey showed me all the things
that i use to believe in
hopefully its not too late for me
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|
| Always Showing Up |
[06.05.06 | 10:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Radiohead |
] |
I saw you again today
yes you that girl that i cared
for more than anything
we shared a childhood together
and yet when we came together
we were split a part yet again
today i saw you in my music
i saw you in my work
i saw you everywhere
theres so many things that remind me
of you
your crazy kiss and smile
even saw you in the things i had
forgotten about
the documentary
i didnt film
but marilyn filmed you
it brought tears to my eyes
and memories that kept running across
my eyes
i wanted you so bad
seeing how fucked up i got today
made me realize that i still do
i cant walk a step in this town
without seeing you
you are everything in this town
you are the oldies the teachers play
you are the school i live next to
you are that little spot where it rained
and we jsut chilled and enjoyed each otheres
company
you are that girl who i can't catch up to
you are walking far but every now and then
i catch up
call your name
and you turn to look back
confused and scared
you walk a little faster
and i
slowly
and blindly
walk through the night
searching for some light
searching for your voice
grab my hand already
or please stop haunting me
i dont know how much more i can take
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|
| Only In Dreams |
[05.22.06 | 11:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 envious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Weezer |
] |
will i be able to hold onto her
will i truely know what i want
will i have it
|
|
| I'm feeling three feet tall |
[05.16.06 | 02:31pm] |
the only thing that stayed around
long enough to show what it really wants from me
i dont pay any real attention to
and the things i get myself caught up in
are the things that arent around anymore
arent around when i need them most
|
|
| Colored Lights |
[05.04.06 | 12:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Beatles |
] |
you know i always seem to think
something is good when its not
like ill go toally another direction
thinking its the right way when in reality
i was going the right way the whole time
but it doesnt make sense that the right way
doesnt seem to feel like the right way
it feels like its not going anywhere
like i didnt get it right
and then i travel miles and miles
just to realize i went the wrong way
and when i finally get there
its too late to ga back
ive gone too far
when will i ever be right?
when will this roller coaster start going back up?
tonight i just want to go to bed
and wake up the next morning with things
right
everything in its right place
"Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be"
is it really?
|
|
| No More Bullshit |
[04.30.06 | 06:18pm] |
i had a dream that i was coming home from
work coming back to my parents house
where i live now
i was at the door i heard you talking with
my parents and my siblings
you knew how to make my brother laugh
you knew what to say to henry
maria brought you closer to maya
she talked to you about college and everything
you should do
i swear it was like you were already a part of me
i struggled getting the keys
i couldnt unlock the door
and yet everyone couldnt hear me
finally when the key fit i walked in
and you werent there
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|
| This Dream I Had With You |
[04.18.06 | 10:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Team Sleep |
] |
I thought that I woudnt be able to
see the next sunrise without you here
but I realize now that I dont need you here
to keep my mind going
to keep these words flowing
and now I see with you here or not
things dont stop in my head
my heart is still beating
and these songs will keep driftin
off into the valleys
the mountain tops will crash
and the wind will fall
as the world bends over backwards
to let these soft melodies flow
over the fields
over the lakes
and past the desert
to bump in your cd player
and lurk in the depths of your soul
and push forward from the back of your mind
untill it shows in you eyes
that fire
its still burning
and the music has not finished
because I'am still calling
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|
[04.13.06 | 01:07am] |
i cant wait forever
its been killing me for the past 2 years
the itch that cant be scratched
i cant go on like this
every couple of months its the samething
what the hell is wrong with me?
its like i cant get over it
am i going to destroy my life fishing
for this over and over?
i cant keep coming back to this
this is no pregression in my life
this is just holding me back
i gotta move forward and not live
like this
every couple of months
well iam sorry peter but it ends here
i cant keep losing my mind over this
yes i want it badly too but
its not coming so i guess its just time to move on
|
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| God I Feel Terrible |
[04.12.06 | 11:46pm] |
I donno tonight i dont feel like
myself
perhaps i havent felt myself in
awhile now
mmm now it is like the world
is coming down on me
so soon am i out of my teenage years
and into my adult years
just tonight i feel terrible
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|
| ... |
[04.09.06 | 06:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 artistic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
iawgom - Emergency Trap |
] |
i wish i could express everything
that it is that iam feeling right now
but it is too much
and i fear i cant hold it in that much longer
i hold my breath
can i find the answers from within?
just like a child being held under water
i can see you
i can almost hear you
maybe if i swim faster i can live again
for right now iam at the bottom of the pool
and as i stare back up
i can see you
i can almost hear everything i hoped to hear from you
maybe if i stretch my arms out a little more
would you feel it?
maybe if i screamed those words out to you
with my last breath you would know just how i feel
because when the light hits you just right
i know that this is right
i can see you
iam reaching out to you
i can almost hear your gentle voice
i swear for just that one moment i knew your
heart was in mine
we were together
and things just felt right
but just as day turns to night
now you are gone
and iam struggling
swimmming faster and faster
but iam sure that those days i dont see you
iam drowning
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| Evie |
[04.02.06 | 07:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
missing you |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pink Floyd |
] |
these words that seem to touch
these lips are always the same
i can never seem to find the time
that i wish i could be in
id like to be home
id like you to be here
but you are
oh so far away
and the last time our hands met
i left you sick and weak
and still i lay here in bed
i lie here and waste away
mmmm...
i guess i should have told you
iam reaching out my hand
i want you to grab it and pull me out
of this world of quicksand that is slowly
pulling me under
for i have been to the bottom
and i can see the top in your eyes
you are the one i want to be with
today, tonight and tomorrow
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|
|
[03.26.06 | 08:51pm] |
in the time that it takes to say it
i cant
my mouth is full and my soul is pouring out
i can feel the pain and the comfort of
letting it all out
i know i probably shouldnt say it
but i do know ive been feeling it
so now that it is here
and iam ready to move on
i open my mouth to let it out
in five minutes i find myself
passed out in the seat in a pool of my own puke
|
|
|
[03.23.06 | 09:46pm] |
"without a universal law
there is no gravity with no
gravity there is no atmosphere
without no atmosphere there is no
chance at life
i dont exist"
|
|
|
[03.06.06 | 10:07pm] |
its so sad
but its really over
ohhh well
theres always going to be
something there that will keep me happy
maybe not all the time
but most of the time
|
|
| Quote of the Day |
[02.27.06 | 09:41pm] |
"its easier for a man to destroy the light inside himself
than to destroy the darkness around him"
|
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| We're The World! |
[02.26.06 | 12:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Rage Man |
] |
when we are together
we are unstopable killings machines
we are so content with life
we make songs about how one member
wants to go to bed
hahahahahahahahahahaha
it was hilarious
enjoy it while its here i suppose
thats one thing ive learned
peace
|
|
| The End? |
[02.21.06 | 01:28am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Stairway To Heaven |
] |
is this the end
of my journey to yara?
i miss her so
life seemed to be better
with her around
but today
and all the other days that have
passed
i havent tried to call her
iam crazy about this girl
and yet i dont know what to do anymore
my brother will be here soon
i know if i asked him what to do
he would tell me not to stop trying
if i really cared about this girl
bleh
im trying to find other things to keep
my sanity in tact
but ive worked so hard
i have free time on my hands
perhaps i should practice guitar more
i dont really need a job that much
i hate trying to find things to keep me busy
because it feels like its just me tyring
to keep my mind off the things that are important to me
she is important to me right now
thats why im going crazy
i was to stop feeling this way
but i dont want to just forget about her
my body is damaged and week
but my soul is crying for more
i seriously dont know what to do anymore
only two people have left this impression on me
one has a bf well has had one now for quite awhile
and yara
shes in arizona now
ive always told myself
if you feel bad, then feel bad
dont hide your feelings
dont cover up a frown with a fake ass smile
just a little more time
and soon i will forget about her
not because she was bad
or she hurt me
but because shes gone now
fucking A man
|
|
| Gamelan |
[02.15.06 | 09:10pm] |
So this moment here
i state that i have officially
gave up
the world pushed me
made we want to try harder
told me something good was out there
and from this moment on
i say to the world that
started this chase
you are victorious
you have defeated me
i give up
i will no longer try for anything
ever again
i quit
you gave me something beautiful
and just that quick you took it away
so im stopping this search of my sanity
im no longer going to think
lifes going to be this way
forever
|
|
| Dont Leave Me Girl "i kinda trailed off but ohh well" |
[02.13.06 | 04:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Beatles |
] |
"mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
what we gonna do here is go back
way back
back into time..."
you know i realized something right now
as i grew up into this world
i was told i could become something special
like i wasnt something special to begin with
no no im not complaining
you know i dont think we should tell our children
your going to be something special when they grow up
you dont want to tell them that
you wanna tell them they are something right now
you are special
your the greatest thing to enter to my life
thats why you are here with me right now
because thats just how its suppose to be
so the child grows up
thinking im not good enough right now
the child has siblings
the one things connecting them to this world
that the make a more positive statment
"bro we will protect you" "ive got your back no matter what
we are blood"
so the boy or girl has a sense of security
but as i grew up
i just saw people running out of the house
trying to get somewhere
seems like the pieces of myself
what made me special were what we had when
we were together
i use to say that i hate my sister
shes mean she doesnt want me to be happy
but she did
she just tried to protect me
my oldest brother grew up
giving me all the things that i needed or wanted
hes like the brother that would give up his ice cream if i dropped mine
in a sense he always wanted me to be happy no matter what
my next oldest brother gave me a sense of
connection
he helped me understand why things were
the way that they were
no its not bad to be strange
its not bad to be loud
its not bad to just be goofy and cool with
everyone
he was the one that showed me how to coupe with loss
how to deal with pain
and he gave me the good times
iam the type of person that likes a sense of "togetherness"
when we are all around each other iam satisfied
i guess this is why i feel so fucked up about relationships
i get connected to ther person i like
its like losing family when they are gone
i guess thats why i associate a lot of my feelings with love
because love is a big part of my life
i guess lennon said it best
"all you need is love"
end tranmission...
|
|
| The Air Is Still |
[02.12.06 | 02:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 good |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Radiohead |
] |
so today i awoke
i had a weird dream
but it was cool
so then i was walking around
my room
and decided to get online
so i got online and looked
at stuff on my computer
then i hoped on myspace
and saw i had new messages
one from jessica
i was really scared to open it
but i did anyway
and now i have the number
i can get my answers
i can call her
its been almost 2 months
im a bit scared to call
im sitting here thinking
just wait a little while longer
call her tonight
finally somebody heard me
the next step is up to me
i hope i dont chicken out
i just gotta think about everything good
and remember that whatever happens
is going to happen
and i have to go on with my life
however the outcome turns out
right now
iam thinking of the best
iam thinking of how you made me smile
and how i didnt want to let you go
nows my chance to tell you how i feel
get all the things i never said to you
off my chest
i miss you yara
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